As strong as a women
by Kyla1
Summary: How far would Janeway go to hide a weakness? J/C


Disclaimer: Not mine (Damn my evil plan failed)  
Feedback: Pretty pretty pretty please, this is my first long fic!  
  
As Strong as a women  
  
  
  
Captain Kathryn Janeway sighed and rubbed her temples. She glanced at the clock by her side, struggling to make out the flashing lights. 3 o'clock in the morning?! Not that time had much meaning up here. She looked out of the window at the stars flashing past. This was the third night in a row she had gone without sleep, not that she'd admit as much to the crew. They were so annoying when it came to the captains health. Not that it was any of their business mind. Kathryn got up to stretch her legs, of course if she went to bed now she could get 2 or even 3 hours of sleep, visions of her comfy bed swam before her tired eyes, but then she shuddered, thinking about the visions that would attack her if she closed her eyes. It was safer here. She shook her head, looking mournfully at the piles of reports before her. Who was she trying to kid? She wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. With a resigned sigh she plonked herself in front of the mound and gulped down some coffee. Thank god for coffee, she thought bitterly, without it she would be in the nut house.  
  
Chakotay strode along the corridors of voyager, the former Maquis officer had a quietly confident look about him. He knew what he wanted and how to get it, and he was going to get it. He definitely knew that. The ship was looking good today, he thought approvingly. Now all he had to do was find the Captain and try to convince her to have some breakfast. The entire crew was worried about her health, him especially. As much as he hated to admit it, Chakotay had a special soft spot for his Kathryn, but of course nothing could ever come of it, could it? He shook his head, of course not. He walked up to the captains office, surprised to see the door open.  
"Captain Janeway?" He inquired, poking his head around the door. He frowned at the sight that met his eyes. The captain was sitting in her chair with her head resting on a pile of padds on her desk, her hand was clutching a coffee mug, and she was breathing deeply. Chakotay smiled at the sight and cleared his throat softly.  
"Er, Captain?" She jerked upright at the sound, eyes widening in surprise.  
"Oh damn!" She cursed, "I must have fallen asleep," She glanced at the reports and groaned. "I could have sworn I got further than that!"  
"Captain," Her commanders voice gently cut through her ravings, "Have you been here all night?"  
"No!" She said hastily, he raised an eyebrow, "I had to get up for coffee," she admitted guiltily, "Stop that! You look just like Tuvok,"   
"Will you join me for breakfast?" Chakotay asked, willing with every fibre in his body that she would say yes.  
"I'd love to," she smiled, and his spirits soared, "But... I can't. To much work," He sighed and frowned, he looked into her eyes, trying to understand what was going on in them. It was getting harder these days. She was good at hiding her true feelings, almost too good, he thought despairingly.  
"Don't look at me like that commander!" Captain Janeway protested, she could see him trying to suss her out, and she didn't like it. "This ship doesn't run itself."  
"Well promise me you'll get some sleep." He pleaded, he was on the point of begging.  
"I will," She smiled. Knowing full well as she said it that sleep was the last thing her schedule would allow.   
  
It was lunch-time before she finally emerged from her office and walked into bridge. She collapsed into her chair and finally allowed herself a few precious moments of rest.  
"Captain, I hate to bother you." It was Neelix, she sighed, here we go.  
"Yes Neelix," She smiled, "What is it?" He blinked, His colourful skin looked paler than usual, as if he was worried about something.  
"Well Captain, I was wondering if I could talk to you about the planet we are very likely to come up against next, I feel that some of the supplies we could get from there could be useful."   
"Certainly Neelix," She said standing up, "Lets go into my office and talk there."   
"Well if I may Captain," He interrupted, he looked awkward, he glanced at the other crew members as though seeking reassurance. "May I suggest we go down to the mess hall and speak there. When was the last time you ate?" Kathryn closed her eyes and tried to think. To tell the truth she couldn't remember when she last ate, she didn't have time for eating but she wouldn't admit as much to Neelix. She looked around at the crew, Chakotay especially, who were all waiting to hear what her answer would be. She almost laughed. It was ridiculous, a crew being so interested in their Captains eating habits.  
"I'm sorry Neelix," She apologised, "I have no time at all to eat, anyway I had a big breakfast," She ignored Chakotay, who was looking shocked at the obvious lie. "Now if you would like to come with me."  
"Captain," Chakotay leapt up, "I really think that you would benefit from a meal." She glared at him. How dare he?   
"I hardly think my eating habits are anything for you to concern yourself with," She snapped, "If I want your opinion I'll ask you for it!" She flinched when she saw the hurt in his eyes. But now was no time to feel sorry. "Neelix!" She summoned as she walked out of bridge, feeling all the crews eyes follow her. She flushed red, it was none of their business! She kept her head held high as she strode towards the haven that was her office .  
  
Chakotay was worried about Kathryn, he knew for a fact that she wasn't sleeping or eating, he had been checking up on her the last few days, he just didn't know why. He tried to think back to when it all began, the only conclusion he came up with was that it had all started after they had visited the last planet, a week ago. Captain Janeway had disappeared for a time. Afterwards she had sworn nothing had happened but he knew something had. He just wished he knew what.   
"Janeway to Chakotay," His comm badge interrupted his thoughts. Tom Paris glanced at him interestedly.  
"Go ahead Captain," He replied.  
"I'd like to see you in my office please." He sighed and stood up, maybe she was finally going to open up to him.  
"Someone's in trouble." Tom grinned, Chakotay glared at him, willing him to turn into a little pile of dust.  
"On my way."   
  
Janeway looked up as her door beeped.  
"Come in Commander," He walked in looking awkward. "Sit down," She cleared her throat as he lowered himself onto the couch. "Commander, over the past few days I have become increasingly aware of your interest in my personal health and I would like to know the reasons why."  
Chakotay flinched, he hated it when she spoke to him coldly like that. But that was just the way she was recently, cold. Not like his Kathryn.   
"It's not just me captain, the entire crew are concerned about you. We think you need a break." She groaned and passed a hand over her eyes. Chakotay frowned. Suddenly she looked old, tired, little lines were criss crossing her face, not like the strong women he'd come to admire and even love.  
"Chakotay, I haven't got the time or the inclination to have a "Break," as you say. My schedule just simply won't allow it." Chakotay could see the inner barriers she put up so often starting to crumble.   
"Captain," He said softly, "Won't you talk to me? Tell me what's wrong?" She looked at him, her eyes looked wet. He looked deep into her eyes and caught a glimpse of some hidden pain in there, "Won't you please go to the doctor, for the crews sake?"   
She looked at him, he could see the barriers going up in place once again, he couldn't read what was going on in her eyes.  
"Chakotay, nothing is wrong and I'd advise you not to interfere. I know what is best for my crew." There was anger in her eyes now, he was shocked at the intensity of it.  
"For gods sake Kathryn," He nearly shouted, he had to know what was wrong "Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Open up!"   
She sucked in a breath sharply. What had he called her? How dare he? She couldn't allow familiarity, it would ruin her. A Captain always had to be distanced from his or her crew. She tried to control her anger.  
"Get out," Her voice was a quiet hiss, Chakotay stood up and reached towards her. Trying desperately to get through to her.  
"Kathryn...I"   
"Get out!" She nearly screamed. "Get out, Get out, Get out!" She lost her composure, and began beating one hand on her desk. Chakotay backed away towards the door, he looked horrified. She took a deep breath and recovered herself, she turned to look out of the window with her back deliberately towards him. She could see him reflected in the window. He looked like he was about to move towards her but then thought against it and walked out. The door hissed shut behind him.  
She finally let out the breaths she had been holding, she was on the verge of sobbing. She looked down towards her hands and noticed to her horror that they were shaking. She sat down heavily on the couch and put her head in her hands. What was wrong with her? She had acted so badly towards Chakotay. She had wanted to tell him what was wrong but she couldn't. He would never look at her the same way again. She wanted to tell someone so badly what had happened but she just couldn't. She was the Captain, she was supposed to be strong she had to be strong for the crews sake. But it was so hard to be strong, especially as she didn't know what was wrong with her. She couldn't go to the doctor, then he would see... With a determined look on her face she went and sat down at her computer. She had to find out what was happening to her, and fast.  
  
Chakotay sat in the mess hall, playing with his food. He couldn't understand what had made Kathryn act like that. It was as if she was deliberately distancing herself from him, from everyone. He thought about the planet they had been at last. Where he thought it had all began.  
They were down on the planet to get food. It was the worst place he had been in a long time. The strange creatures were almost repulsive to look at, one half of their faces looked human but the other half was purple and swollen. Their teeth were sharp little fangs and their eyes were red. They had milled around all the officers, touching, staring. One of them had stroked his tattooed face. He had wanted to teach them a lesson but the Captain, in her kindness, had told him to leave them. That they were beings too. He didn't know how she managed to stand them. They had pressed up to her, seemingly fascinated by her, he had been consumed with anger when he saw one of them stroke her breast. But she had still stopped him, telling him that they desperately needed supplies, no matter what the cost. Half an hour later he had noticed that she was missing. He immediately organised a search, for some reason the badges weren't working so he had no idea where she could be. They had searched for 2 hours before she had finally reappeared. She wouldn't tell them where she had been or what had happened. He could have sworn he saw blood on her uniform and it was ripped, but she said it was just juice from one of the fruits they had picked up and she had accidentally ripped it herself. The badges working again, they were beamed onto Voyager. The Captain had refused to go to see the doctor. Saying that she was fine, and she had then gone into her cabin and stayed there for 3 hours. He was certain he heard crying but there was nothing he could do. Since then she had shut herself down. Working harder and harder, she didn't let anyone get near her. Wouldn't allow people to know what was going on inside her head.   
Chakotay sighed, she didn't know how much this was killing him inside.  
"Excuse me commander, may I sit down?" He jerked up, and stared into the face of his logical Vulcan friend.  
"Sure Tuvok," He gestured to the seat opposite him.  
"Commander," Tuvok looked as concerned as a Vulcan could get. Which wasn't very concerned, but Chakotay knew Tuvok well, and could sense the worry. "I couldn't help but over hear your conversation with the Captain earlier," Chakotay groaned. Damn those Vulcan ears.  
"Yes, and?" He tried to sound non committal.  
"Well, I must say I agree with you. Captain Janeway is undoubtedly working to hard," Here Tuvok paused, "However I don't think I would have approached the matter the same way as you."  
"How do you mean?"   
"Well it appears that you have a certain... fondness for the captain, maybe this made you get to, emotionally involved, in the matter." Chakotays eyes were narrowed.  
"Well how do you suggest we solve this matter?" His voice dripped with sarcasm.  
"I will talk with her." Tuvok suggested, blissfully unaware of the sarcasm. "I think commander, you have forgotten that other people care about Captain Janeway and her health. Albeit unlikely they feel for her as much as you do. However I will say that I think the Captains reaction may have something to do with the fact that she feels the same way you do?" Here Tuvok looked at Chakotay quizzically. Chakotay sagged wearily, It was true about the way he felt. But it was impossible that Kathryn felt the same way, he looked back up at Tuvok.  
"Sure Tuvok," He replied in defeat, "You can't balls it up half as much as I have,"  
"Thank you commander," Tuvok replied, looking pleased in the only way a vulcan knows how.  
  
Captain Janeway stared at the computer screen, not wanting to believe what it was telling her. She didn't want to believe what was happening to her, she thought that she could just come back to her ship and forget all about it, not have to worry about it ever again. That was the only way she could remain strong, except now, now that was going to be impossible. She thought back to that day, tears already falling down her face.  
She had been aware of one creature looking strangely at her from the moment they had landed on the planet, mind you they were all strange. They acted as if they had never seen anyone besides their own species before. All they had done was stare and touch. They touched her all over, she trembled remembering their cold clammy hands. She had seen the anger in Chakotays eyes as they had touched her, and for a minute something had seemed to pass between them. But she had brushed it off, and allowed them to touch her. After a while she had noticed one of them, a male, following them long after the others had disappeared. He was in a bad way, his skin was diseased and green in some places. When he opened his mouth and licked his lips she had been horrified to see that his fanged teeth were all black, and that his saliva was a putrid green, but she, in her infinite wisdom, had ignored him and not told the others about him. After a little while she had lagged behind from the group, testing some fruits that she had wanted to buy. That's when he approached her, he had grabbed her from behind, mercilessly twisting her arm back until she thought it would break. He had grabbed her phaser before she could use it and clamped a sweaty hand over her mouth and dragged her away. She had tried to scream, but each time she tried he would twist her arm back and crushed her fingers as though testing them to see how much they could take.   
He had chained her up to a wall and taken her clothes off, one by one until she was lying there, naked, with no hope left. There had been a cruel metal vice over her mouth and neck, stopping her from speaking. As she had watched, unable to avert her eyes, he had touched her whole body while she lay there trying to move, somehow trying to kick him where it hurt. Then he had started licking her body, his red eyes glaring up at her. Slowly he had licked round her breast, then he bit it, hard enough to draw blood. He looked pleased at the muffled screams that were coming from her. Then as she lay there with tears coursing down her face, silently begging for him to stop, he had taken her body. While he was doing it he had held a knife, and occasionally dragged it over her, leaving a small trickle of blood behind. She had tried to keep her eyes closed the whole time as she felt him move within her, but sometimes he had made her open her eyes and watch him. She could still feel his hot breath on her as he violated her, made her dirty. After a while she had mercifully passed out. When she came to she was alone. Her clothes were in a pile beside her and the chains had been broken off. She didn't want to look at or touch her body, although she could feel blood running down her. Somehow she had got her clothes on, avoiding touching herself until absolutely necessary. Afterwards she had stumbled about in a daze, until she found some water. Then she had scrubbed her hands and face until they were red raw. She still didn't want to touch her body that had let her down so badly. Then she moved as if in a trance until she found Chakotay and the others. She had wanted to throw herself in his arms, and cry until there wasn't a breath left in her body, but she couldn't, she knew that, she had to be strong. So she had acted normally and got them off of the planet as quickly as possible. Afterwards she had just thrown herself into her work. The only thing that could keep her sane, she neglected herself and just worked on the ship.  
  
There had to be some mistake about what the computer was telling her. She would go into the mess hall, she decided, and have something to eat and something other than coffee to drink. Then maybe she would have a nap, then she would feel better and be able to forget the whole incident.  
  
Captain Janeway walked into the mess hall.  
"Captain!" Neelix looked genuinely pleased to see her. She could see Chakotay and Tuvok in the corner, but she ignored them.  
"Captain," Neelix had her arm now and was guiding her towards some plates that were gathered on the side. "My I tempt you with some of my new dishes? That fruit you collected has come in handy, it is delicious." She felt herself tense, she looked sharply at the fruit, which stared up at her innocently. Images materialised before her eyes. That animal grabbing her, being dragged away, the act which had followed. She felt dizzy and flung out a hand to the side to steady herself, she felt bile rising up her throat.  
"Captain?" Neelix's worried face swam into view, "Are you all right?" She breathed heavily.  
"I'm fine Neelix," She managed to gasp, "I'm sorry, excuse me." She could see Chakotay rising up in the corner, but she didn't pause and hurried out of the hall as fast as she would allow herself to go without running.   
When she reached her quarters she fell into them gratefully and proceeded to throw up violently. She could hear the door chime as she studied her whiter than white face.  
"Captain Janeway?" Damn it was Chakotay again, didn't he ever learn? She quickly programmed the computer to not answer the door, no matter who tried to come in. It was a program she had used lots of time before, when she had wanted to hide away. The door still chimed again and again, and then she heard him pound on the door.  
"Captain?"  
She ignored him, though it hurt her to do so, and curled up on her bed, her head resting on her knees as she finally let the sobs go through her body. The door had quietened, Chakotay must have given up. She wished he hadn't given up, she wished he had made her open the door, she wished he was there now, holding her.  
  
Chakotay stood outside listening to the heart-breaking sobs, as he listened he heard a whimper that nearly tore him in two. He rested his forehead on her door, with tears running down his face. He had to know what was wrong before it killed the Captain. He had to know.  
  
Kathryn still lay on her bed, she had been there for two hours. Every now and then she could hear someone try to come in, but then they gave up, they always gave up. Not that she had to worry about it for much longer. She had been feeling ill for many days now but she couldn't bring herself to go to the doctor for fear that he would see the marks on her body, the bite wound on her right breast that she still couldn't bring herself to look at. So she had looked up the disease, that's when she'd found out. She had a sexually transmitted disease that was deadly, there was no known cure. She was dying. The words ran through her head over and over again. I'm dying, I'm dying. She flung her head under the pillow desperately trying to make them stop. But she couldn't. She could feel herself growing weaker by the minute, it was as if something inside her died every single breath she took. According to the computer she had about five more hours to live, and she wasn't even strong enough to tell anyone, or to tell Chakotay how she felt.   
  
  
  
Chakotay was back outside Kathryn's door, he had given up trying to get in, knowing full well that the answer would be silence. As he listened he began to get worried. This was the first time the room had been completely silent.  
"Computer," He snapped, "Give me Captain Janeways life signs," He was looking for reassurance, he didn't get it.  
"Captains Janeways life signs are weak, temperature 100 degrees, respiration's slow and heartbeat failing." Chakotay went cold.  
"Computer, repeat," The computer repeated the exact same sentence.  
"Computer, let me in Captain Janeways quarters."   
"Access denied," The computer intoned.  
"Computer let me in!" Chakotay shouted, banging a fist against the wall.  
"Access denied,"  
"Chakotay to lieutenant Torres," Chakotay snapped,  
"B'Ellana here," She replied,  
"Get up here, Now!" He yelled, beads of perspiration gathering on his forehead.  
  
Captain Janeway could hear people milling around outside her door, above the other voices she could hear Chakotays, trying to get in her quarters. Visions swam before her eyes, all of them containing Chakotay, him on the missions, him laughing as he described Tom making an idiot out of himself in the attempted karioke night that Neelix had unfortunately discovered and above all the worry in his eyes when he told her to get some rest. It was starting to get hard to breathe, she felt as if her bruised and battered heart and lungs were screaming in agony. They were giving up on her, she could feel it. She just had one wish, she wished she could see Chakotay once more before she died. This need overcame all of her principles to be strong, to not let them see her suffer.  
"Chakotay," She murmured, she pulled herself up off the bed, but her legs failed her at the last minute and she crashed to the floor. "Chakotay," Her voice was barely a whisper. She began dragging her self across the door to do something, anything. But before she could reach it her arms gave way and she collapsed to the ground, still feebly trying to move.  
  
Chakotay was growing frantic. He had no idea what Kathryn had done to this door in order to make it so hard to shift. He knew she didn't like showing weakness in front of the crew but this was going to far. He knew she was dying. Suddenly he heard B'Ellana exclaim.  
"Done it!" He pushed his way through the people by the door, shoving them left and right, oblivious to the complaints and quickly ran into Kathryn's room. He frantically looked around until finally seeing her lying on the floor by a table. Bending over he quickly scooped her up as if she weighed no more than a feather, which she didn't, he realised with a shock. She had lost so much weight, her face was sunken in and her ribs were showing.  
"Out of the way! Now!" He shouted charging out of the room with her in his arms. He had to get her to sickbay, fast.   
  
It didn't take long for news to spread that the Captain was in a critical condition. A silence descended over the entire ship as people mulled over what Captain Janeway meant to them personally. Neelix stayed in his kitchen, gloomily cutting up vegetables with tears in his eyes, if the Captain died who would he have to compliment his food even when it tasted worse than those things Tom Paris called brussel sprouts. Tuvok, Harry Kim, Tom Paris and the others on bridge tried to make some idyll chatter. But failed miserably, the empty seat being a constant reminder of what was going on. Chakotay stayed in the sickbay, while the doctor tried to stabilise Kathryn's condition. B'Ellana stayed with him, out of sympathy. She regularly tried to talk to him and say how sorry she was. But it fell on deaf ears. After a while the doctor came out to talk to them. He didn't look like he was about to give them good news.  
"I'm afraid Captain Janeways condition is very bad," He began. "She has contracted a disease that is invariably deadly, however I'm afraid it's my bad duty to tell you that there is no known cure for the disease." Chakotay jerked his head up, tears in his eyes.  
The doctor wasn't finished.  
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this but, I'm afraid the disease that the Captain has contracted is a sexual disease," Here the doctor cleared his throat, "I have to ask do you think that the captain..." He trailed off. Chakotay understood what he was saying.  
"Captain Janeway has not had any sexual relationships aboard this ship." He said clearly, he knew that was true. One night they had, had a drunk night, where she had started opening up to him, she had told him everything, her hopes, her fears, she had even touched upon her hidden personal life that no-one knew about. Ever since then he had longed for another opportunity to do it again, but it had never came. The doctor nodded.   
"I was afraid of that, I'm very sorry, but under the circumstances there is only one conclusion that I can come to, I'm afraid that Captain Janeway must have been raped." Chakotay looked shocked at the news, then he sank down onto a seat, crushed.  
"No," He whispered, The doctor, continued.  
"I have been looking at the marks on her body, and I think that, that is the case. Also other tests have shown that Captain Janeway was raped on the planet she was last on. She really should have come to me then." He finished accusingly. B'Ellana looked at him.  
"This is hardly the time to be saying things like that." She warned, the doctor recognised what she was saying and withdrew only pausing to say.  
"I'll try everything I can, don't give up yet." He then turned and walked out, leaving Chakotay and B'Ellana alone.  
"Chakotay," She began. His body shook and B'Ellana realised that he was sobbing.  
"Shhhh," She soothed. "It will be okay."  
"I should have protected her B'Ell," He sobbed, "I should have been there for her!"   
"None of us could have done anything with Captain Janeway in that mood, she admonished. "No-one."  
"I should of tried harder, I should have made her leave that planet, I should have made her stay by my side." He refused to accept the words of comfort, "I could have made her go to the sickbay, It's all my fault...If she dies."   
"Don't say that!" She said sharply. "She'll be okay." Chakotay stood up as if he was dreaming and slowly walked into where Captain Janeway was lying. He took hold of her hand. It felt cold.  
"Come on Kathryn," He whispered, begging her to stay, "Please," A sudden beeping brought him out of his dreamlike state. The doctor came running in.  
"She's arresting!" Chakotay stood back in shock and watched the doctor try to save the life of the women he loved.  
  
Kathryn Janeway was floating on a cloud. She felt happy and relaxed for the first time in a long while. She felt life's problems leaving her. She gazed back down into voyager. She could see Chakotay standing there with tears running down his face. She paused looking at him. All her love for him welled up inside her and formed a big lump in her throat. She was hesitating, did she love him enough to go back to that stress, that meaningless void that was her life. Or did she forget about him and finally relax. She smiled, the choice was easy.  
  
The doctor was going frantic, he was having trouble bringing Kathryn back to life. He was desperately trying again and again. He felt defeated, and slowly he stepped back from her body, she looked peaceful finally. Her hair was spread out about her face like a golden halo. He turned away with grief washing over his body, he looked at Chakotay despairingly, there was nothing he could do. He was about to turn the machines off when suddenly he heard a little beep. He stared at the screen, there was no doubt about it there was a definite life sign there. He slowly turned round and stared at Captain Janeway, as he watched her eyes suddenly flung open and started to focus as she struggled to take a breath. Chakotay pushed forward and grabbed Kathryn's hand hardly daring to believe what was happening.  
"Kathryn," There were tears in his eyes. As Captain Janeways breaths became more regular she looked back up at Chakotay with equal love struggling to smile and talk to him.  
"Don't try and speak," Chakotay whispered, pressing her hand to his lips.   
"I don't believe it!" The doctor whispered. Then he backed away, he had to enter this In his medical log it was impossible but it seemed Captain Janeways strength had seen her true again.  
  
It was a week before Captain Janeway finally left the sickbay. The doctor wanted to keep her in for longer but her responsibilities kept nagging at her When she came out she went straight to her office, where Chakotay was waiting.  
"Kathryn," He stood up and smiled at her. She smiled back but it was hesitant.   
"What's the matter?" He frowned. He walked up to her and put his arms around her. He looked into her eyes, then he couldn't help himself, he bent down and kissed her. At first she responded, but then something inside her screamed.  
"I can't!" She gasped, pulling away, "I just can't,"   
"Kathryn?" He looked bewildered, concerned. Then, she couldn't help it, she began to sob. Quietly at first and then louder and louder. He held her tightly, soothing her, waiting for the tears to stop. She started to tell him what had happened, how that animal had grabbed her, what he had done to her. She was nearly in hysterics as she told him how scared she had been. How much she had wished he was there and all he could do was hold her and comfort her. His eyes wide as she told him what she had been through. He didn't know how she had held it all back, he was surprised at her strength that had only been hinted at in the past. After a while she pulled away from him.  
"I've got to go clean myself up," she said, backing away from him. He nodded dumbly, still shocked by what she'd told him.  
  
As he watched her leave he was filled with enormous amounts of love for this amazing women. He felt like he wanted to surround her with love and never let her be hurt  
  
When Captain Janeway got back to her quarters she stripped off and stood before her mirror. Finally allowing herself to look at her body, the scars were slowly starting to fade she could see, the effect the effect he had left on her was fading to, thanks to a little help from the doctor she could finally sleep at night without those terrible images coming back to haunt her. Completely naked she twisted and turned before the mirror, feeling herself all over and banishing all traces of him from her. Then she heard her door chime.  
"Who is it?" She asked tentatively,  
"Chakotay," came the rough reply. She smiled in relief,  
"Come in," She called,  
"Kathryn I..." he paused, he saw her standing there before him, completely naked with a smile on her lips. Her whole body ached with desire for him and he could see it. She forced herself to walk slowly towards him as he stood there, mesmerised. He watched her make her way towards him, swaying slowly, he could feel his erection growing, her skin was beautiful and he let his gaze travel over her. He paused on the scars left by her encounter with a rage coming over him and she stopped, insecure and tried to hide the marks on her body.  
"No," He whispered huskily, "Don't hide yourself, you're beautiful." Slowly he brought a hand up to touch her face. She caught it and licked his palm a slow grin spreading over her features. Then, smiling she brought her face up to his and gently kissed him, her tongue explored his mouth and she could feel his hardness against her, but it didn't repulse her as it might have done a few days ago. She let his hands explore her body, at first she had to bite back an urge to pull away, but when she looked into Chakotays eyes she wanted to be held by him forever.  
"Make love to me Chakotay," She breathed in his ear. He looked at her, surprised. He didn't want to hurt her, he wasn't sure how this would affect her. He put one finger under her chin and tipped up her head towards him.  
"Are you sure you're ready?" He raised one eyebrow quizzically She smiled again and kissed him softly.  
"I'm always ready for you."  
  
The End  



End file.
